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  • Birdee Cottage Assisted Living

I'm a caregiver who needs the help of assisted living for my spouse, but my family wants me to wait.

It’s easy to assume that looking after someone you love is all about sacrifice. After all, "in sickness and in health" was likely in your wedding vows. The trouble is this perspective rarely serves you or your spouse in the long run.

If you ignore your own needs, sooner or later you’ll have nothing left in your tank. Some family caregivers may soldier on for years, thinking they’re coping fine. Then something suddenly and unexpectedly triggers a health crisis of their own.

I don't know where you are while reading these words. You may be in your pajamas because you were up all night caring for your spouse, maybe you're in a hospital room following an incident, or maybe you're sitting in your car waiting for groceries to be brought out from the store. I don't know where you are, but I know why you're here.

I know that you're reading these words for a reason. I hope that everyone that needs to see these words will see them. Please know that. . .

  • Your situation is individual to you, but you're not alone.

  • You are doing a GREAT job!

  • It's normal to feel guilt.

  • Do not be limited by others opinions.

  • That perfection you think you see in others lives isn't perfection, sometimes it's peace.

  • Many families have children that are resistant to the idea of their parent moving into an assisted living.

Why might your kids be resistant? Well, perhaps they don’t want to believe that one of their parents is getting old and frail. Perhaps they don’t understand everything you have to do to support your spouse on a day-to-day basis and the toll it’s taking on you. Perhaps they’re feeling guilty they haven’t done more to support both of you. Or perhaps they’re worried that you’re expecting them to take over from you.

Whatever the reason for their confusion or resistance, don’t let them dissuade you from getting the support you both need. They may just need time to come around.

Consider options that meet both your needs

When you’ve reached the point where you’re ready to accept help, look for options that meet the needs of you, your spouse and your children. You’ve likely done a lot of soul-searching to get here.

We at Birdee Cottage Assisted Living & Memory Care can help with any questions. Please call us at 319-300-5177 or visit our website at

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